The Hook Up Handbook Page 5

  Also recognize that as you improve in the bedroom, you might have some awkward “learning” moments along the way, but it’s all part of the experience. And each of those learning moments will help you improve in the long run, and hey, they may even make for some funny stories to look back on.

  “I Can Give Women an Amazing Sexual Experience.”

  Many men have low or average sexual confidence. They’re not certain about their ability to pleasure a woman in the bedroom, nor their ability to give her an unforgettable experience.

  If you’re uncertain about your sexual ability, girls will pick up on it. She’ll notice how you hesitate to lead her, lack dominance, and fail to infuse sexuality into the conversation. You’ll also tend to subconsciously sabotage yourself in your interactions so that you prevent sex from even happening.

  The mindset of, “I can give women an amazing sexual experience,” is the opposite of that uncertainty. It allows you to treat her like a sexual man and lead her through the stages of an interaction (and eventually into the bedroom) with confidence.

  Not only will it make you better at sex, but it’ll also help you to have more sex in general.

  The best way to develop this mindset is to actively try to learn and improve your sexual ability.

  If you’re not naturally great at sex (and most guys aren’t), then you have two choices. You can 1) hope that you randomly improve as you get older, or 2) actively try to learn and improve so that it’s no longer a matter of chance.

  You should take the active route – and if you’re listening to this now, then you’re already on the right path. Apply the fundamentals you learn, try new techniques, and have authentic conversations with the women you sleep with

  Approach sex with an open mind and check your ego. Be willing to take feedback from women and ask questions to more experienced guys.

  Here’s a quick recap of the sexual mindsets:

  - “I can enjoy a woman’s presence without the need for sex.”

  - “I won’t always perform at my best, and that’s okay.”

  - “I can give women an amazing sexual experience.”

  Part III:

  The “Setup” Fundamentals

  (Turn Her On and Get Her Ready)

  Without the “Setup,” You Can’t Close…

  You might be wondering…

  “What is the ‘setup,’ and why is it important for great sex?”

  The setup is all the things that lead up to the actual sexual experience with a woman.

  The way you lead her, talk to her, kiss her, turn her on, and even the way you set up your bedroom…

  These things set the stage for great sex. Without them, you likely won’t even get to the “sex part” with a girl, and if you do, it won’t be nearly as good as it could’ve been.

  And yes, this holds true whether you’re in a relationship with a girl or just having sex with her for the first time.

  Remember: You need to fuck her mind AND her body. These fundamentals will help you turn her on both mentally and physically so she’s ready and excited to take things further with you.

  Let’s get right into these setup fundamentals…

  Fundamental #5:

  Escalate Through “Sexy Talk”

  Your words are powerful – especially when talking to a woman.

  They can make the difference between giving a conversation a platonic vibe or a subtly sexual one.

  And that difference alone can get a woman thinking about sex with you – or at least not ruling the idea out.

  Your words can also turn her on so that she’s ready for sex when the time comes.

  So, how do you escalate through sexy talk in your conversations?

  Here are four great ways to do it...

  Sexual Humor

  Sexual humor is great for adding a sexual undertone to the conversation. The point is to plant the idea of you and her doing things together, or at the very least, get her thinking of sex around you.

  An easy way to get started is to reinterpret something she said, or something from the conversation in general, and make it sexual.

  Note: Before using sexual humor, you should have built at least a little rapport with her. Otherwise, it can come off as a little creepy. The more you try to use sexual humor, the better you’ll get at this.

  The delivery is key here – you should have a sly, ironic sort of smile. You want her to know that you’re joking, but also that you’re comfortable with the subject of sex.

  And I assure you, with a little creativity, you can turn almost any topic into sexual humor.

  Here are a few examples of sexual humor in action…

  Let’s say you’re talking about dancing (you can push the conversation in this direction by asking if she knows salsa or bachata). You could joke around about how you have a lot of rhythm, and how rhythm is important for a lot of things, not just dancing (obviously hinting that it’s important for sex, too, without saying it outright).

  Let’s say she’s a little bit older than you. You can tell her that you like older women because they know what they want, and they have a lot of experience in some important areas. Here, you’re hinting that she knows what she wants in the bedroom, and also that she’s good in bed.

  Notice how each of these is subtle. You don’t come right out and say, “I have good rhythm, so I’m great at sex.” Instead, you imply that rhythm is important for sex without actually saying it. The subtlety is key – it’s more socially savvy, keeps her on her toes, and is more intriguing.

  Self-amusement is also key here – you want to have fun with it. If you think it’s funny and a little sexual, be unfiltered and go for it.

  Speak with Intent

  You usually approach a girl because you’re attracted to her. There’s something about her that you find sexy. But throughout your whole life, you’ve been programmed to cover up your sexual desires. You’ve basically been told to hide the fact that you have a dick, thanks to all the crappy advice and political correctness in the media.

  But you do have one, so you should act like it. The girl should have no doubt that she’s speaking to a sexual man who goes for what he wants.

  Your intent should come through in all the words you say. Even if you ask, “Do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?,” you want to sub-communicate something like, “I think you’re sexy, and I want to know more.”

  On the surface, here’s what it looks like to communicate with intent:

  - Hold strong eye contact

  - Speak from your stomach with a deeper tone of voice

  - Talk slower

  - Smile

  Below the surface, you’re thinking:

  - I might want to have sex with this girl, and I’m okay if she picks up on this vibe

  - She’s attracted to me

  This takes some work, but once you can start communicating with intent, your conversations with women will transform.

  Look at Her Lips

  Infusing a sexual undertone isn’t just about the words you say. It’s also about your behavior within the interaction.

  One thing you can do to add a little sexiness to the vibe is to look at her lips.

  While she’s talking to you, glance slowly down at her lips for a second, and then back up to her eyes. Do this a few times throughout the conversation. Don’t be blatant about it, but do it just subtly enough for her to notice.

  No matter what you’re talking about, this simple lip glance can her thinking of intimacy with you. It amplifies the vibe, and if she returns the glance and looks at your lips, then you know it’s probably ON. I’ve been doing this more and more on dates recently and it really does make a difference.

  Connect on a Deeper Level

  This one isn’t as inherently “sexual” as the previous three, but it is important in terms of the verbal build up. Think back to the chapter about how she thinks about sex. Remember how women need to trust you, feel comfortable with you, and feel that it’s worth the ri
sk before having sex with you…

  Well, a big way to do all three of those things is to connect with her on a deeper level.

  That means getting past the platonic “niceties” of small talk and drilling down to the stuff that really matters…

  The way she feels about things, what she wants to do with her life, what she finds sexy in a guy, what she’s passionate about, etc.

  The more you discover about topics like these, the more connected she’ll feel to you. Just make sure to listen closely and relate back with experiences and things from your own life.

  For example, after she tells you what she finds sexy in a guy, you should tell her what you find sexy in a girl. After she tells you what she’s passionate about, perhaps you can tell a story of your experience with one of those passions.

  Whatever the case, the more you do this, the deeper the connection will be, and the better the sex will be when you get to that point.

  Here’s a quick recap of escalating through “sexy talk”:

  - Use sexual humor – but remember to be subtle and throw in the occasional innuendo.

  - Speak with intent to convey your sexual vibe and turn her on.

  - Look at her lips to get her thinking about sex.

  - Connect on a deeper level to earn her trust and make the sex better later on.

  Fundamental #6:

  Recognize When She’s Horny

  (and Wants You to Make a Move)

  You’re out with a girl, and the two of you are really hitting it off.

  Maybe you just met her at the bar, or the two of you are having first date drinks. Whatever the case, you like her, she appears to like you, and you’d like to take her home (or at least make a move).

  But if you’re like most guys, this is the point where you screw things up. It’s mostly due to the fact that you’re not 100% sure if she wants you to make a move, and you don’t know what signs to look for.

  She very well may be ready, but if you wait too long, the window will close, and you’ll lose your opportunity.

  But since you don’t want to screw it up, you sit back and play it safe. You think to yourself:

  “Now isn’t the right time. If I try to make a move now, it might turn her off and screw up the whole interaction. Instead, I’m going to wait until it’s really obvious and then make my move.”

  (Note: There is no “right time” to make a move. As you get more experience with women, you’ll begin to recognize that the best time to make a move is usually when you feel the urge to make a move. Until you get enough experience, though, it’s a huge help to know the right signs to look for.)

  What usually happens next is a mix of the following:

  - Stalling and having platonic conversations.

  - One or both of you will get overly tired and want to go home (alone).

  - Another guy will spot the window, swoop in, and take her home.

  Overall, the interaction will stall, and you’ll probably lose your chance.

  The problem is, most women won’t straight up tell you, “Let’s go back to your place” or “Make the move!” There’s too much social pressure for her. So you need to know how to spot her signals that she wants you to make a move.

  If you can learn these signals, you’ll stop missing opportunities with girls who want to go home and sleep with you and start making your move before the “hook up” window closes.

  So here are some big signs that she’s horny and possibly wants to go home with you right now…

  (Note: Some girls may be ready to leave with you within the first 5 minutes of talking, while others won’t be ready for 2+ hours. Don’t get caught up on the timing – instead, pay attention to the signals.)

  She’s Receptive to Your Touch and Touches You Back

  Physical touch is one of the most important parts of connecting with a woman. If you know how to touch her during conversation, you can turn her on and get her thinking of sex.

  Here are some tips for touching her the right way:

  - The best places to touch her are her elbow, upper arm, and the small of her back.

  - Touch her early in the conversation (you can do something simple like a handshake introduction).

  - Touch her at high points (like when the two of you are laughing, or she’s agreeing with you).

  (For more on how to touch her during conversation, check out the chapter called “Flirting Without Your Words” in my book Conversation Casanova.)

  Now, if she’s receptive to your touch (i.e. she welcomes it and doesn’t tense up), then she probably feels comfortable with you. If she starts touching you back, then she’s probably sexually attracted to you.

  It’s a clear sign that she’s open to the idea of you making a move – and maybe even going home with you.

  (Note: You can test her receptiveness by holding her hand when walking between venues. Does she hold on and even squeeze your hand back?)

  She Gets in Your Personal Space (and Is Comfortable with You in Hers)

  If you’re in her “bubble,” and she’s okay with it, that’s a sign that she either doesn’t have many personal boundaries, or she’s really interested in you (let’s assume the latter).

  The same goes for if she gets in your personal bubble. She probably won’t do it unless she’s interested in you.

  When you get in each other’s personal bubbles, the sexual tension skyrockets. However, if you don’t make your move, it will eventually dissipate. So be aware of this one and be prepared to invite her home.

  She Talks Less and Gives Shorter Answers

  You’ve been hanging with her a bit, and you can feel the connection. At this point, it’s clear that she’s at least somewhat into you.

  Suddenly, you notice she talks less and gives shorter answers. You can tell it’s not for lack of interest, but more out of a sense of anticipation. Like she wants you to move things along without blatantly saying so.

  So, that’s exactly what you need to do. The window is open, and you need to make your move and invite her home. The longer you wait to do so, the quicker the window will close.

  The Two of You Are Alone in Private

  This one seems obvious - but when you’re in private with a girl and she’s not giving you any of the other signals we’ve talked about, it can still seem like the wrong time to make a move.

  But in this case, the setting itself is the biggest signal of all. Odds are, she won’t allow the two of you to be alone in private unless she’s comfortable with the idea of hooking up with you.

  She might not be down to have sex just yet, but at the very least, she’s aware that that is a possibility when she goes home with you.

  So if the two of you are alone in private, keep this in mind. Even if it seems like it’s “not the right time,” you might as well go for it. She wouldn’t be there if she wasn’t at least somewhat interested in you.

  (As a general rule, you should make a move within ten to twenty minutes of being in private with a girl.)

  She Holds Lingering Eye Contact

  She doesn’t just hold eye contact while she’s talking to you… she also lets her eye contact linger during pauses.

  Perhaps she even lowers her eyelids a little bit and gives you “bedroom eyes.”

  This is one of the clearest signs that she wants you to make a move. Get ready to invite her back to your place.

  She Asks About Your Living Situation

  “Do you have roommates?”

  Whenever she asks a question like this, a bell should go off in your head.

  Even if she doesn’t realize it, this is a sign that she’s subconsciously thinking about going home with you. The question is an attempt to get a feel for your living situation and see if she’d have to deal with anybody else if she goes with you.

  She Complies With Your Requests

  This is another tell-tale sign that she’s horny, willing to follow your lead, and open to the idea of going home with you.

  When she complies with
your requests, it shows that she’s interested in you and trusts that you can lead her to a fun and satisfying experience. Of course, there are different levels of compliance, and you can start slow when you test these out.