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The Hook Up Handbook Page 13


  - Use sex toys like blindfolds, handcuffs, and vibrators.

  - Use varying levels of foreplay. Go for the full spectrum most of the time, but occasionally make it shorter or skip it altogether.

  - Use varying levels of skin-to-skin contact.

  - Switch up locations between different apartments, rooms, and public places.

  Fundamental #21:

  Orgasmic Anal Sex

  I still remember my first anal sex experience…

  I pulled a girl to my room from a frat party. I’d met her ten minutes beforehand and barely exchanged a few words with her. But it was clear what she wanted, and I was happy to oblige.

  We started having sex on my couch, and she rode me for a few minutes. Then things took a surprising turn.

  She got up, then got on her knees in front of the couch. She looked back and said, “I want it from behind” with a devious look. I thought, “Hmm… Is she talking about doggy style, or does she want it in the ass?”

  I went with the safer option and started doing her doggy style in her vagina. She turned around again and said, “No, I want you to screw me in the ass.”

  In my drunken stupor, I thought, “Hmm. Not really an anal sex guy. Never done this before. Never really wanted to do it. But… screw it. Adventure.”

  So I took it out of her vagina and started doing her in the ass. It slipped right in with no problem, and she loved it. Hell, she even had multiple orgasms, which I didn’t even know was possible from anal sex.

  I later learned that anal sex isn’t supposed to be this easy, and usually you need lube and preparation to do it right. But I guess this girl was a bit more… experienced in the anal sex department.

  ***

  I’ve never been a big anal sex guy, but there’s a time and a place for everything – and I know a lot of guys are really fascinated by the whole idea.

  So I thought an anal sex fundamental would be a good addition to this book.

  I’ve had some interesting anal sex adventures like the one above but also some with girls I really liked, where we discussed it and prepared beforehand. Usually the latter is better – there’s more trust and comfort.

  I’ll lay out a few steps for having orgasmic anal sex…

  Get Clean

  Comfort is one of the biggest keys to anal sex. If she’s not comfortable, she won’t be able to open herself up and enjoy it, and this can lead to a painful experience.

  And one of the best ways to make sure she’s comfortable is to help her feel clean (even if she’s already clean down there, which is probably the case). To do this, you can simply shower with her beforehand or have her use an anal douche.

  Start Slow – Both Mentally and Physically

  Bring up the topic beforehand and start getting her mentally prepared for it. Chances are, she’s thought about having anal sex before, and she may have even had it in the past.

  When bringing up the topic, you can discuss some of your past positive anal sex experiences and even watch some anal sex porn. This will help give her more positive feelings about it and make her more open to trying it with you.

  Then, during foreplay, start playing with her anus and stick a finger in there. Gradually do this more and more so that she’s more comfortable having you down there. That way, when it’s time to have anal sex, she can loosen up easier.

  When you start out the anal sex session, go slow as well. It can be painful at first, so slower thrusts are better, and they allow her to get used to having you inside her.

  Have the Lube Ready

  Don’t go in there without any lube. Have some anal lube ready and put it on her anus as well as on the condom before you start having sex.

  This will make it much easier to penetrate her and take away from the initial pain she may feel when you put it in. Keep in mind that she doesn’t naturally get wet down there like she does in her vagina.

  Use the Right Positions

  You’ll need some different positions since you’ll be going into her anus instead of her vagina.

  Here are two of the best to go with (refer back to the sex position chapter to see how they look):

  - The variation of the scissor doggy style position where both of her legs are together in the “savasana” position, and you’re kneeling and penetrating her from behind.

  - Lying flat doggy style

  As you and your girl get more comfortable with anal sex, you can experiment with other positions like reverse cowgirl, regular doggy style, etc.

  Thrust the Right Way

  Tone down the dominant, hard thrusts when having anal sex. The act itself is dominant enough since it requires her to fully submit to you, and extremely hard thrusting can cause pain and bleeding.

  Instead, use slower, rhythmic thrusts unless she tells you she wants it harder and faster. Even then, be careful so as not to hurt her.

  How Does an Anal Orgasm Happen?

  Yes, women can have orgasms from anal sex… but, how?

  Well, remember the clitoris? It’s a lot longer than you think. The part you see on the outside is just the tip – it actually extends further into her in a wishbone shape.

  So when you have anal sex in the right positions, you actually stimulate her G spot and clitoris from behind. It’s a little “back door” stimulation. And when you stimulate it enough through rhythmic thrusts, she can have an orgasm.

  Wrapping Up Orgasmic Anal Sex…

  Anal sex can be a good way to deepen the relationship between you and a girl, add variety to sex, and give both you and her a unique experience.

  Here’s a recap of orgasmic anal sex:

  - Get cleaned up beforehand so she feels comfortable with you going down there.

  - Start slow so she can be both mentally and physically prepared before you penetrate her.

  - Have lube ready to make penetration easier and less painful.

  - Use the right positions so that she can orgasm.

  - Thrust with slow, rhythmic movements.

  Part VI:

  How to Last Longer, Stay Harder, and Beat Performance Anxiety

  What It Takes to Last Longer

  (and the Roots of Performance Anxiety)

  You now have a lot of tools in your arsenal for having mind-blowing sex.

  But if you have debilitating performance anxiety, then all of those tools won’t mean much. You won’t be able to put them to good use!

  We all get performance anxiety from time to time. As you get more sexual experience, however, performance anxiety becomes rarer and rarer.

  But you need to know how to beat performance anxiety whenever it pops up.

  The whole reason for it is that you’re too in your head. It’s a mental thing.

  You’re focusing on thoughts instead of being present in the moment.

  “What if I finish too early? What’s she going to think of me? This is going to be so embarrassing!”

  These thoughts rob you of the experience of great sex.

  This part of the book will show you how to beat performance anxiety so you can consistently have great sex.

  But first, you should understand the roots of performance anxiety…

  The Roots of Performance Anxiety

  Depending on the guy, performance anxiety can be narrowed down to one or more of the following:

  - Insecurity about penis size.

  - Insecurity about how long you can last.

  - Insecurity about getting hard.

  - Insecurity about lack of sexual experience.

  First, a note on penis size…

  When it comes to penis size, many men are insecure that they’re not big enough, and their “tool” won’t be able to please a woman. This makes sense, because guys have been programmed by porn to believe that women only like abnormally large penises.

  Most women I talk to, however, tell me they prefer a more average-sized penis. It fits better, is more versatile, and they can do more without it being painful.

  So if you have an
average or even below average tool, don’t beat yourself up about it. You can easily make up for the lack of size with good rhythm, dominance, and all the other fundamentals we talked about earlier.

  And one more note on insecurity about how long you last…

  It’s not so much that you need to last a specific amount of time. There is no specific “perfect duration” for sex. It’s more about being able to control your orgasm so you can last as long (or as short) as you want.

  You’re going to learn how to do that in this part as well as how to beat the other insecurities I mentioned, too.

  So let’s get into the performance fundamentals!

  Fundamental #22:

  Good Stamina and Breath Control

  Like I said at the beginning of this book, you don’t need to last for hours to have great sex. But you do need to last for more than a few minutes.

  A five minute quickie is fun every now and then – and can even make for a good surprise for your woman (as I talked about earlier in the part about variety). But if you do that every time, it’ll become a problem. You won’t be able to deliver the kind of sex your woman craves, and she’ll eventually look elsewhere for that sexual satisfaction.

  Lasting longer in bed is something I had trouble with for a while. I’d go on streaks where I had no problem lasting as long as I wanted, followed by streaks where I could barely last 10 minutes.

  But over time, as I slept with more girls, became more in tune with myself, and learned more about great sex, this stopped being a problem. Now, I can just about always last as long as I want. And I can tell you this: sex is A LOT more enjoyable when you have good stamina, and you’re not worried about finishing too early all of the time.

  So, how do you improve your stamina and last longer in bed? Here are some tips:

  Be in the Moment

  When you worry yourself about finishing too quickly, you’re probably going to finish too quickly. Thoughts will swirl in your head like, “This is going to be so embarrassing” or, “She’s going to judge me.”

  Instead, allow yourself to enjoy the sensations of sex and be in the moment. One thing that helped me a TON with this was meditation because, when you meditate, you practice being in the moment. After meditating for 10 minutes a day with Headspace for a month or two, my orgasm control dramatically improved.

  Control Your Breathing

  When you lose control of your breath, you’re bound to lose control of your orgasm soon after. Meditation can help you control your breath as well. Another thing that can help is to actually count your breaths up to ten (and then repeat a few times) while you’re having sex.

  This makes you present with your breath. It’s much easier to control it when you’re actively aware of it.

  Switch Positions

  There are some sex positions that will just make you lose control, while others will get you exhausted. If you feel yourself starting to lose control too early, switch up the position to one with a little less stimulation or one that requires less physical exertion.

  You can also pull out for a minute and go down on the girl. This allows you to accomplish two things: One, you give her clit some extra stimulation, and two, you help yourself to sexually “recharge” and seize back control of your orgasm.

  Don’t Thrust All the Time

  You don’t have to thrust constantly. Sometimes you can slow it down and, instead of thrusting, move in a circular motion for twenty to thirty seconds. This provides good stimulation for the girl while lessening your own stimulation (because you’re not thrusting in and out).

  You can also stop moving altogether and hold yourself inside of her a little deeper for thirty seconds or so (if you’re on the bigger side, just make sure not to go too deep as this can be very painful for the girl). While doing this, you can kiss her neck and breasts.

  Stop Cycling Through Sexual Techniques in Your Head

  This will take you out of the present moment. Instead, internalize these fundamentals.

  In other words, you won’t have to be thinking, “Okay I did X, now it’s time to try this other technique.” Instead, you’ll just need to think, “Okay, more dominance. Okay, now more variety. Etc.” until it becomes completely natural.

  Hit the Gym Consistently

  You should be lifting weights and doing a little cardio. This will improve your actual stamina so that you have the energy to have sex with a girl for thirty minutes to an hour.

  I’m not a big fan of running, whether it be going for a jog or running on the treadmill. Either way, it sucks for me. I prefer to get my cardio through sports. And so I make it a point to play pickup basketball two to three times a week.

  (Keep in mind I manage to do this while living in three to four countries every year. There are recreational pickup sports in just about any big city – you just need to ask around and/or do a little searching online. For example, a quick search for Budapest basketball led me to the “Budapest Basketball International” Facebook group. I now play with these guys every week while I’m in Hungary.)

  Wrapping Up Good Stamina and Breath Control…

  You don’t need to last for hours to have great sex, but you don’t want to be a “minute man” either.

  Use these tips to build your sexual stamina so you can last for as long as you want to.

  To recap:

  - Be in the moment so you can enjoy the experience without psyching yourself out.

  - Control your breathing so you can pace yourself and avoid exhaustion.

  - Switch to a less stimulating position if you feel like you’re losing control, and switch to a less physically exerting position if you feel like you’re getting tired too quickly.

  - Don’t thrust constantly – slow down, rotate, and use other movements.

  - Don’t cycle through sexual techniques in your head.

  - Hit the gym a few times a week to improve your physical stamina.

  Fundamental #23:

  Get a “Main Girl”

  Lack of sexual experience is one of the big insecurities that leads to performance anxiety.

  If you haven’t had a lot of sex, it’s difficult to be confident that you can do it well (no matter how many books you read on the subject).

  But this problem can be easily solved. How?

  By getting a “main girl.”

  Your main girl doesn’t have to be your girlfriend. She can just be a girl that you have sex with somewhat regularly (i.e. one or more times per week).

  This will help you to gain sexual confidence and get more sexual experience. You’ll learn what she likes in the bedroom, and you’ll also learn more about what you like.

  Your main girl basically provides a comfortable sexual environment for you to gradually improve in.

  As you apply the fundamentals you’ve already learned with her, you’ll get more comfortable having sex, get better at it, and naturally start to last longer and give her more orgasms.

  I had a main girl when I lost my virginity and have had several main girls since then. Very few of them had the “girlfriend” label, but we had sex regularly. When I look at the periods of my life when I made the biggest strides in terms of getting better at sex, it’s almost always the periods when I had a main girl.

  Now, you might be wondering, “How do I get a main girl?”

  If so, take another look at the first few parts of this book. They will help you become a more sexual man who attracts women with ease.

  You can also check out any of the hundreds of articles on my blog, PostGradCasanova.com, and discover how to talk to women, date more women, start conversations, and a lot more.

  Fundamental #24:

  Practice Vulnerability

  A lot of men take themselves a little too seriously in the bedroom.

  I know I used to do this. Maybe you can relate…

  Guys feel like if they come too early or can’t get a boner, then it’s the end of the world.

  Here’s the thing: No matter how much you
perfect your sexual abilities, you’ll have situations where you’ll come before you want to or when you can’t get it up.