The Hook Up Handbook Read online

  The problem is, when you’re nervous, you tend to speak from your throat.

  Instead, practice speaking from your belly and projecting your voice.

  To do this, focus on maintaining a deep breathing pattern. Breathe in through your nose and deep into your belly. You should feel your stomach rise and fall with each breath.

  Practice this in private – that way, it feels more natural when you’re with a girl.

  We tend to speak from the same place we breathe from. If you breathe from your throat, you’ll probably have a weak, high-pitched voice. But if you speak from your belly, your voice will likely be deeper and more masculine, which is essential for a good first impression.

  Here’s a quick recap of the “surface level” of your sexy vibe:

  - Talk slower so you appear more confident and women hang on your words.

  - Move slower to come across as more sexually appealing and controlled.

  - Pause at the right time to build tension.

  - Master the sexy smile instead of cheesing like Urkel.

  - Deepen your tone of voice by speaking from your belly.

  Now, let’s move on to fundamental #2!

  Fundamental #2:

  The Physical Level of Your Sexy Vibe

  It is possible to have a sexy vibe around women without developing your physical characteristics. I have many friends who aren’t traditionally “good-looking” who have plenty of success with women.

  That being said, if you can improve your physical characteristics in the right way, your dating and sex life will become a lot easier. You’ll get more “looks” from beautiful women, and some women will get turned on just by looking at you and touching your body.

  For example, it’s a lot easier to come off as a dominant and sexy man when you’re a muscular guy than when you’re a scrawny one. I used to be a scrawny guy, and I can attest to the difference.

  And so, here are a few things you can do to improve your physical characteristics.

  Work on Your Physique

  When you’re in shape, you’ll look better, feel better, and have more energy to have sex with a girl for as long as you want to.

  I’m no fitness expert, so I won’t dive deep into advice on this aspect. But I will say that simply lifting weights 2-3 times a week, doing some cardio (I prefer to do this in the form of pickup basketball), and eating a bit healthier can make a huge difference. There are plenty of resources online to show you how to do all 3 of these things.

  In the span of a few years, I’ve gone from skinny to very muscular. I kid you not: I regularly catch women sneaking glimpses at my biceps while I’m talking to them, and I see the turned-on looks in their eyes when they hold onto my body and feel my abs.

  And it’s not like I’m some hulking dude either. I have a normal physique that errs on the side of muscular. And even that has made a huge difference.

  So if you’ve been holding off on improving your physique, now is the time to get started.

  Develop Your Style

  I see dudes everywhere with pitifully bad style.

  Here’s the thing: A woman will judge you based on your style, even if she doesn’t realize it. So if you look like a scrub, don’t expect to attract sexy women on a consistent basis.

  Again, I’m not a style expert here – but you don’t need to be a style expert either.

  Simply wear clothes that fit well!

  My wardrobe consists of 5 V-neck shirts from Express, a few slim fit button-down shirts, some Lululemon shorts, and a couple of pairs of jeans from Mott & Bow (no affiliation – I just love jeans from Mott & Bow. They’re relatively cheap at around $100 and are super stretchy, comfortable, and stylish).

  I also have one watch from Movement Watches, another brand I recommend because they have an awesome selection of watches, all at around $100 (but they look a lot more expensive).

  Get a Good Haircut

  Along with bad clothing styles, I see a lot of guys with terrible haircuts.

  I speak from experience here… I had a buzz cut until I was 21 years old. Now, I grow my hair out more on top and cut it short on the sides, then gel it to one side. It’s a more refined and unique look, and women like it a lot more.

  I recommend checking out a quality salon in your area and asking for the booklet with all the pictures of haircuts. Talk to the stylist about what type of cut they think would suit you best, and experiment with it.

  It took me a few tries to find my ideal hairstyle, but it was well worth it.

  Building on this point, make sure to have your facial hair looking good, too. If you’re a beard guy, grow a beard, but keep it trimmed and well-maintained.

  Again, experiment with different types of facial hair and figure out what kind of style you like best. Be sure to ask the women in your life which style looks the best, too, so you can get an objective perspective from a woman.

  Here’s a quick recap of the “physical level” of your sexy vibe:

  - Work on your physique so you look better and have more sexual stamina.

  - Develop your style and wear clothes that fit well.

  - Get a good haircut to be more physically appealing, and keep your facial hair well-groomed.

  Fundamental #3:

  The Deeper Aspect of Your Sexy Vibe

  These are characteristics you will develop over time. These are the things that women truly want in a man.

  When you combine these with the surface level and physical stuff, you’ll be much closer to having a sexy vibe that puts you ahead of 99% of men – and it will make women excited to have sex with you.

  Here are the characteristics that women fawn over…

  Charisma

  This trait can make you magnetic to people (and especially to women). Charisma is essentially the magical “something” that you can’t seem to put your finger on, but it draws people in and gets them interested. It’s charming and intriguing.

  And most importantly, it’s incredibly sexy to women.

  There are four important factors to developing charisma:

  1. Certainty. Charismatic people are sure of themselves and their actions. So you need to believe in what you’re saying and speak with certainty. This is especially important if you want women to follow your lead.

  2. Presence. Charismatic people are fully in the moment. They’re not glancing at their phones every few minutes, ignoring your words to further prove a point, or faking their interest. They genuinely care about what you’re saying and approach the interaction with an open sense of curiosity.

  3. Warmth. Charismatic people are warm - they immediately bring people into their world and treat them well. When you approach a girl, come from the mindset that you’ve known her for a long time – that you’re comfortable with her. This “instant friendship” type of vibe will amplify her trust in you and make the conversation go smoothly.

  4. Low Filter. Charismatic people don’t let their actions be affected by what others will think of them. Many guys hold back from cracking a joke, or making a sexual innuendo, for fear of what the girl will think of them. Instead, be more unfiltered with your words and actions. Understand that no matter the outcome, life will go on.

  Authentic Sense of Humor

  Women want a man who has a good attitude, can laugh at himself and the world around him, and doesn’t get easily offended.

  You can be that man by developing an authentic sense of humor.

  This doesn’t mean you’re great at telling jokes, or that you’re a stand-up comedian. It means that you can appreciate jokes, find humor in different situations, and be self-amused.

  Here are some ways you can develop a good sense of humor:

  - Go to stand-up comedy shows and watch comedians on YouTube/Netflix.

  - Watch comedy movies and TV series with different kinds of humor, like Adam Sandler movies, The Office, and Rick and Morty.

  - Observe people in your own life with good senses of humor and learn from them.

 
; - Aim to approach life with a generally good-natured attitude. Catch yourself if you can feel you’re getting offended a bit too easily, find the light in dark situations, and avoid taking yourself so seriously all the time.

  - Learn how to tease women the right way (you can check out my book, Conversation Casanova where I cover that in-depth).

  Independence

  Women want a man who doesn’t need anybody in order to achieve happiness or success.

  Because if a man can’t survive on his own and fails to be independent, then he cannot lead his woman. He is weak, and his life will be a constant stream of failures and disappointments. High quality women know this.

  So, how can you be more independent?

  - Become self-reliant. Take on problems in your life with an open sense of curiosity. You may not know the solution or have much experience dealing with the particular problem at hand, but don’t let that stop you. Educate yourself on the problem, think through a set of solutions, and experiment.

  - Be accountable for your life. Most people go through life with a “victim mentality.” They blame other people and things for their own lack of success instead of figuring out what they can do to change things. Never allow yourself to fall into a victim mentality. Remember that the only person that can save you is yourself. The only person that determines your success is you. Armed with this knowledge, set out to create a life that excites you at your very core.

  - Don’t let your emotions control you. Take a balanced view of the world and the problems you face. Step back and aim to see things objectively instead of letting your emotions swing you from one direction to the other, as so many weak-minded people tend to do. To be a sexy man, you must have control over your own state of mind.

  Purpose

  The way you fuck the world is the way you fuck your girl.

  This is why women crave men with purpose. They want a man who delivers his gifts onto the world, knows what he wants, and goes for it.

  But most men don’t live a life of purpose. They are easily swayed by the winds of each day, wilt at the smallest sense that something is wrong, fall into quarter-life and mid-life crises, and never seize control of the gift they’ve been given – the gift of life.

  These men are quick to make women their top priority and rely on them for their happiness. And so, they are also the quickest to get bitter when they feel like women have treated them wrong.

  But women want a man who has greater aspirations than simply being with them.

  The question is, do you know your purpose? Do you wake up every day with a sense of excitement to conquer the next task at hand? Or has life become a saga of let-downs and what ifs?

  If you’re not sure if you’re living a life of purpose, ask yourself these 4 questions:

  - “What lights my fire and makes me come alive?”

  - “What is a problem in the world that I can help solve?”

  - “By what metrics will I measure my life?”

  - “What are my greatest values?”

  Having a purpose will help you ravish women in the bedroom, and it will turn them on like you won’t believe. They will feel the difference.

  But living by your purpose will benefit your life in many more ways than just that, as you will see along your own journey.

  Here’s a quick recap of the deeper aspect of your sexy vibe:

  - Develop your charisma so that you come off as more interesting, intriguing, and sexy.

  - Develop an authentic sense of humor so that you look at life positively and have a good attitude.

  - Become more independent and stop relying on other people for your own happiness.

  - Live a purposeful life so that you have greater aspirations than simply being with a woman.

  Fundamental #4:

  The Sexual Mindsets

  Your sexual mindsets are the final aspect of your sexy vibe. They separate you from the shallow men who manipulate women and use them for sex.

  Instead, they allow you to truly enjoy your experience with women and provide a much better experience for every girl you sleep with.

  Because make no mistake: We’re not trying to “take” something from women here. We’re trying to give them an amazing sexual experience.

  And so, these mindsets will help you keep a level head as you continue to improve in the bedroom and also help you to treat women well along the way (so they feel good about having been with you).

  A bonus of these mindsets is that they’ll actually lead to having a lot more sex with women, too.

  “I Can Enjoy a Woman’s Presence Without the Need for Sex.”

  “Are you going to be angry with me if we don’t have sex?”

  I’ve gotten this question from several women while taking them home for the first time.

  They don’t ask this question because of anything I’ve done or said. They ask it because they know what the expectations could be if they come home with me (i.e. having sex), and they’ve had other guys get frustrated and angry when they’ve thwarted their attempts at sex in this situation.

  So they’re afraid that if they come back and don’t have sex with me, I’ll get mad like so many other guys have.

  They’re usually surprised to discover that I have the opposite reaction. Sure, I like to have sex with beautiful women. But if it doesn’t happen on one particular night, I’m perfectly fine with it.

  I can enjoy her presence without the need for sex.

  This acceptance puts the girl at ease because she doesn’t feel the pressure of needing to have sex. And usually, this ends up leading her to have sex with me in the end anyway, and she’s happy she did.

  So, how do you develop this mindset?

  There are 2 ways:

  1) See the woman as an end in herself and not simply a means to get sex. Embrace and enjoy her feminine presence, and immerse yourself in the experience of being around her. That can be refreshing and exhilarating in itself.

  2) Develop an attitude of abundance toward women. When you know you can meet and attract beautiful women with relative ease, you know it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have sex with one beautiful girl on a particular night. Of course, developing an attitude of abundance toward women is easier said than done, but I’ve already created plenty of resources to help you do that (and a whole host of articles on my website, www.postgradcasanova.com).

  And here’s an example of what you can say to a girl to demonstrate this mindset:

  If she says something like, “You know we’re not having sex tonight, right?” or, “We can go back to your place, but no sex,” then you can say, “That’s cool, I don’t have any expectations.” This puts her at ease and makes her feel like she’s not opting into some unspoken contract to have sex with you if she goes back to your place.

  “I Won’t Always Perform at My Best Sexually, and That’s Okay.”

  No matter how great you get at sex, and no matter how much you master the fundamentals in this book, there will be times when you come up short in the bedroom.

  Perhaps you have trouble getting it up, finish in a minute or two, or simply don’t put on your best performance.

  That’s okay, it happens. Even if you can perform well most of the time, you’ll occasionally slip up. Nobody is perfect.

  And so, a mindset like this is key. It allows you to accept the fact you won’t always have great sex every time, which takes pressure off of you. You’ll no longer feel like it’s the end of the world if you finish in two minutes. And if something like this does happen, you’ll react calmly, and the girl won’t feel like it’s a big deal either.

  The result? You’re in your own head less, and you can focus on enjoying great sex with the girl.

  One of the best ways to develop this mindset is to not take yourself too seriously.

  If you take yourself too seriously, one slip-up can cause you to question yourself and your ability, and you’ll end up in a sexual rut. It’ll go from a one-time mishap to a cycle of avera
ge or below-average sex. You’ll be in your head and question yourself.

  Instead, recognize that things like this are a part of life, and that it’s okay. You don’t need to beat yourself up for one subpar performance.