The Hook Up Handbook Read online

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  - The risk of an awkward sexual experience. A lot of guys are terrible or mediocre at sex (hence the reason for this book), and she’d rather avoid those uncomfortable sexual experiences.

  This risk awareness is also biological. This stems back to the hunter-gatherer days. If a woman got pregnant then, the man could leave her, and she’d be forced to fend for herself and her child in a tumultuous world.

  Here’s how to activate the feeling that it’s worth the risk for her:

  - Make her comfortable around you. (See the points from part I of this section.)

  - Always use protection. This shows her that you’re not careless when it comes to sex and you understand the risks involved.

  - Make a concerted effort to get to know her. Show genuine interest when she tells you about herself instead of just waiting for her to finish talking so you can talk more.

  - Provide her with good emotions. The better she feels, the more likely she is to follow your lead as well as take things to the next level with you. So you should be leading her and managing her emotions throughout the interaction (you’ll learn how to do this later).

  3. She Needs to Feel Aroused.

  She can trust you, feel comfortable with you, and feel like it’s worth the risk, but if she doesn’t feel aroused around you, then none of those things will matter.

  That feeling of arousal breeds the desire for sex.

  Throughout this book, you’ll learn how to make women feel aroused. By developing your sexy vibe and applying the setup and foreplay fundamentals, you’ll get women considering sex with you much more quickly than they do with other men.

  For now, here’s a snapshot of some things you can do to get her aroused:

  - Escalate through “sexy talk” by speaking with intent and using sexual humor.

  - Develop your sexy vibe so you become a naturally attractive man.

  - Learn to read and act on the signs women give you.

  4. She Needs You to Initiate It.

  Women won’t usually initiate sex. Again, there’s too much social pressure. They want you to initiate it, as this removes the feeling of being a “slut” that society has ingrained in them. When you properly initiate it, she can rationalize it as, “I let go, and he led me to sex. I was just along for the ride.”

  Initiating things also shows masculinity and sexual confidence. Instead of waiting or hoping for sex to “just happen,” you actively lead her along the journey in such a way that you both enjoy the experience.

  Plus, leading her will turn her on and get her aroused. Throughout the process, you’ll be infusing sexual undertones into the conversation and putting the idea of sex in her mind.

  Here’s what you can do to initiate things:

  Make the Conversation More Sexual.

  Throughout the conversation, you should introduce a few sexual innuendos and jokes. The key is that you want to insinuate that sex is on the table without bluntly stating it. You also want to get her thinking of the possibility of sex with you.

  A quick way to do this is to ask a question like, “What do you find sexy in a guy?”

  Make the Move.

  This is an obviously necessary part of initiating things. Usually girls won’t make the first move, so the responsibility is on you. A good rule I like to go by is that when I feel like I want to make a move on a girl, I go for it. I don’t force it because I think “it’s the right time.”

  Remember: Every Woman Is Different

  Like I said, all women are different, but these are the general things they need from you before they’ll have sex.

  Some women will need to feel a higher level of comfort, while others will just need to feel like you’re a somewhat normal guy. As you work these things into your interactions more often, you’ll get a better sense of which are more important for different types of women.

  But you’ll already be ahead of most guys who don’t even take these things into account in the first place.

  One more point to add: there’s no specific “time limit” for these things. Some women will be ready for sex with you after an hour (or sometimes even less), while others will hold off until the second or third date (and maybe more, in some cases). But the better you are at achieving these 4 things, the quicker you’ll be able to bed women.

  Wrapping Up How She Thinks About Sex…

  Most men play a guessing game when it comes to getting sexual with women. They don’t have a great sense of when she’s ready, and so they often make a move too soon or too late and miss their window. Or they miss these things completely and don’t get her sexually interested at all.

  If you follow along with this chapter and apply the knowledge in it, you can usually avoid these problems.

  To recap, here are the 4 things she needs from you before sex:

  1. She needs to feel comfort and trust with you.

  2. She needs to feel that it’s worth the risk.

  3. She needs to feel aroused.

  4. She needs you to initiate it.

  Take these things into account on your dates and interactions with women. By doing so, more women will be open to getting sexual with you, and you’ll both have a more enjoyable experience with each other.

  A Note on the Female Orgasm

  The female orgasm is an interesting thing. It has confused scientists for decades because they can’t quite figure out its purpose.

  It’s not essential for successful reproduction, and yet, it still happens.

  What’s more, some women can have a seemingly infinite number of orgasms in one session of sex. Ten, twenty, or even more within an hour or less of sex. You’ll be with some of these women, and if you perform well (which you will if you follow the advice in this book), then you’ll see this phenomenon. It’ll probably make you feel pretty good about yourself, too!

  Some women, though, get very sensitive after one or two orgasms and need to take a break. Others struggle to even have one orgasm over the course of a whole session (even if it’s good, and they enjoy it).

  So, don’t pat yourself on the back too much when you give a girl a lot of orgasms, and don’t beat yourself up too much when you fail to give a girl one orgasm.

  As you put the fundamentals you learn here into practice, you’ll learn more about each girl you sleep with. What she likes and dislikes, as well as her capacity for orgasms. And no matter how many orgasms she has within a given session (whether it be zero or twenty), the key is to focus on having an amazing overall experience.

  Because sex isn’t supposed to be just a means to achieve orgasm – it’s a process meant to be enjoyed and fully experienced.

  Part II:

  Developing Your Sexy Vibe

  Sex Begins Long Before Penetration…

  If you want to be great at sex, you must learn that sex is more than something you just “do.”

  It’s a way of life. It’s who you are.

  You must become a sexual man and allow that sexuality to permeate your very being.

  Because the truth is, sex begins long before penetration. Men who are great at sex understand this, while mediocre men are confused by it.

  You see, sexual energy should seep into your every interaction with a girl… even from the moment you say “Hello.”

  The way you talk to women, the subtle jokes you make, the eye contact, the confidence… it is all colored by the hue of sexual energy. Sometimes just a hint; sometimes way, way more. It all depends on the situation.

  I told you earlier that women can intuitively “sense” when a man is sexual and understands how to have sex with a girl the right way. This is the reason they can sense it. And when they do sense it, they subconsciously separate you from 99% of other guys.

  And when they separate you from 99% of other guys, they do things with you that they’d never do with 99% of other guys.

  Threesomes, orgies, sex in club bathrooms, begging for you to come all over their face…

  That’s just the beginning.

 
You will see a different world of women that most men will only ever dream about. It’s a world I’ve become familiar with over the past few years – a world where beautiful women eye me down before I even say a word, and a world where any sexual adventure is on the table.

  Yes, you will become familiar with this world, too.

  But that’s ONLY if you can develop your sexy vibe.

  And that’s what Part II of this book is all about. You will learn how to become a sexual man who attracts and has sex with the women he wants. A man who takes initiative and doesn’t hold back. A man who turns women on with a simple “hello” and a knowing grin.

  So, read carefully, and don’t be so quick to skip straight to the sex fundamentals. Because if you haven’t mastered the fundamentals here, everything else will be all for naught.

  The 4 Fundamentals of a Sexy Vibe

  A coaching client of mine recently complained that women don’t see him in a very “sexual” way.

  They see him either as a friend or as the provider type that could make a good potential boyfriend in the future, but not as the fun, sexy guy they’d like to have an adventure with right now.

  And so having casual sex has been somewhat of a challenge for him.

  You may be familiar with this problem. It’s common among many men.

  If you don’t have a sexy vibe, women don’t usually see you in a sexual way. And so, it’s a lot harder to have casual sex (if that’s what you’re after). Plus, it feels a little awkward when you make a move too quickly…

  But if you can develop a sexy vibe around women, that will change.

  You’ll notice that women look at you in a different way, are more open to spontaneous adventures with you (like casual sex), and are instantly sexually attracted to you.

  As I mentioned before, women will do things with you that they wouldn’t dare try with “unsexy men,” like have sex in the bathroom and go home with you the first night. Better yet, it will all feel natural (compared to the awkwardness of an average guy who tries to get sexual quickly).

  How do you cultivate a sexy vibe around women? There are four fundamentals to this:

  1. The surface level (what she can see). These are things you can physically do right now to cultivate a sexy vibe around women.

  2. Your physical characteristics (how you appear). These are the components of your physical appearance, like your style and physique.

  3. Under the hood (your personality characteristics). These are things you must develop and internalize over time.

  4. The sexual mindsets. These are the mindsets that you must develop to become a sexual man.

  You can do the surface level stuff now and sort of “fake it till you make it” until you fully develop the “under the hood” and mindset stuff. And the physical characteristics are not only a constant endeavor of improvement but also an enjoyable one.

  The positive reinforcement you gain from the surface level stuff will make it easier to develop the rest.

  Keep this in mind as we dive into these four fundamentals.

  (And try not to get overwhelmed by all the pieces of a “sexy vibe.” You can focus on one fundamental at a time. Once you master one, you’ll internalize it, and you can move on to the next, until it becomes a part of who you are, and you don’t even have to think about it.)

  Fundamental #1:

  The “Surface Level” of Your Sexy Vibe

  These are the physical steps you can take right now to have a sexy vibe.

  The more you focus on them, the more positive reference experiences you will gain, and the easier it will be to develop the right mindsets and characteristics.

  Focus on one at a time, and notice how each one changes the way you feel as well as the way women react to you.

  Talk Slower

  Picture the confident “bad boy” type of guy you see in movies, like James Bond. He’s undoubtedly a character who has a sexy vibe around women.

  Now ask yourself: how does he talk?

  Does he speed through his sentences, hoping to get his words out before people get bored and stop listening?

  No, right? He usually delivers his words slowly, and in doing so, he captivates people. They hang on his words.

  When you slow down your speech, you convey power and confidence. Plus, what you say seems more important.

  So, talk slower than you think you should be talking, and then talk even slower. Experiment with it a bit and notice how people’s reactions change.

  It’s the difference between a rushed, “HeyHow’sItGoing?!?!” and a calm and controlled, “Hey… How’s it going?”

  Move Slower

  Powerful and sexy men also move slower.

  Where an insecure man might walk fast and slouch with his head down, a sexy man will walk slowly down the street with his back straight, smiling at the women who pass by.

  When you slow your movements down, you’ll come off as more confident and sexually appealing.

  This is especially important in a bar/club setting. Simply walking slowly and smiling will make women notice you, and they’ll start giving you approach invitations.

  (Approach invitations are a woman’s way of letting you know she wants you to approach her. This allows her to give you a sign that she likes you, without taking the social risk of literally approaching you and getting rejected, which is a bigger perceived social risk for women than it is for men.)

  And when you approach them, the interaction will instantly have a sexual undertone.

  Pause at the Right Time

  Us guys tend to talk more and more when we get nervous. We’re afraid that if we let the conversation die down, she’ll get up and leave. So we go on and on, hoping to find a topic that interests the girl and strike up a good conversation.

  Here’s the problem: the point is not to get her interested in your choice of topics; it’s to get her interested in you.

  A well-timed pause builds sexual tension, allows her to invest in the interaction and talk about herself, and puts you in control of the pace of the conversation.

  It also signals that you’re confident and comfortable around women. Perhaps even better, it signals that you’re in control – a trait that women love.

  Here’s when to pause:

  - When you’re considering the best way to say something.

  - After she asks you a question.

  - After asking intriguing questions.

  - After you make a statement.

  Hold Eye Contact

  Eye contact is powerful – the brain sends out relationship-building chemicals like oxytocin when you make eye contact with somebody.

  But you need to be able to make eye contact without being creepy.

  When you’re talking to women, focus on holding it for the majority of the time. Look at her right eye, so your eyes don’t shift back and forth.

  When you make eye contact, from the other side of the bar/club or even just in general, hold it until she looks away. Then, once you’ve made eye contact, walk towards her and approach her.

  Good eye contact is something you must learn – so the more you practice, the better.

  The Sexy Smile

  Smiling is crucial, especially because of the phenomenon of mirror neurons. Basically, these are brain cells that cause us to feel the same emotion as we see others feeling.

  But you have to get your smile right.

  Don’t be like Urkel from Family Matters. Instead, aim for the type of smile that Ryan Gosling constantly uses in the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love.

  Here are the characteristics of a “sexy” smile:

  - Show very little of your teeth (or just keep your mouth shut).

  - Smile with one side of your mouth more than the other.

  - It’s almost a “half smile” or slight grin, whereas the friendly guy’s smile is very broad.

  This is something you want to get down pat because many women will judge you based on your smile. If you’re tired of being stuck in the friendzone, n
ail this one down.

  Tone of Voice

  Here’s another tendency of nervous men: They talk with a higher-pitched voice. This is an instant turn-off for women and will get you labeled as ‘just a friend’.